Can You Say Chi- City?

Now I consider myself a sh*t talker. Basically I live to talk sh*t. It's what I do. But like everything, you must always keep in mind that there is someone else around who's better at it than you are. Unless your name is LeBron James. But that's neither here nor there. Anyhow, this man here is my superior in this particular department.

So during one of my daily adventures on the www, I decided to go to Youtube and see what interesting things I can come upon, and trust me, I see some crazy sh*t.

Lo and behold, I found that a person I 'followed' (and I use that term lightly seeing I basically watched most of the videos in one day) had decided to make a comeback. And he came back strong.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Mr Chi-City. The stage is yours sir:



And it just gets better...



What can I say? I am a fan of sh*t talkers.

A personal favourite of mine:



And the verdict:



Chi-City MAYNE!!!!

Esco out.

No Really...

What part of 'Slaps Only' didn't he understand? Friends like these are the ones you have to stab in the back once in a while so they can understand that they must not mess around with you. Just to keep things fair.



I mean wow. Slap Only dude. His girlfriend would have found out all his secrets. And the next 5 girlfriends after that also.

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Esco out.

The Fastest

Have you ever been recognized as being the fastest...anything? No? Well, that makes both of us. Although I was the fastest in the highschool 100 meter races, but yeah, who the hell cares, right? Exactly. Anyhow, as I was roaming on the World Wide Web (comme d'habitude) I saw this video. Found it interesting and decided to share.

Some of these people should be considered the most dangerous people on the planet. You'll see soon enough.

Enjoy.



Esco out.

Swan Dive

Oops. I guess I did not return since the last time. Well actually I was back amongst the computer users, BUT then summer really started and I got sidetracked. As usual.

Anyhow, lots of things happened since the last time and even though I would love to be able to let you in on everything, that will just not be possible because not only do I not want to get into details, I most probably don't remember all of them. Sucks, yes, I know. I should do an update everytime something remotely exciting happens, but no. I tend to have a life sometimes, and it does not always involve me being on the internet, as unbelievable as that may sound.

One thing that I DO remember though, is Brother Franklin. Here is a man, who changed my outlook on life the moment he jiggled his way up to the offering bucket. He was genuinely, or comically if you prefer, excited to go and give his dollar to the Lord. All of which I have absolutely no problems with seeing as I also grew up in the church and sometimes (most of the time) unwillingly put the one or sometimes even five dollars in the offering bucket. Something I hated simply because the moment money touches my hand, I can already see myself spending it. And that was the only time I was not allowed to, and it sucked.

But anyhow, here is Brother Franklin who is a little too happy to give his money. Money that he'll most probably regret offering when it's time to send some to the folks back home. You can call him the anti-me. Thank me later.



The best part of the video? The swan dive. Notice he has absolutely NO regard for those around him who are simply walking to to put money in the offering bucket. By my count, he almost injures 3 people with his antics, including himself.

And apparently, it is not the first time that he has done this. Brother Franklin is a repeat offender.



Brother Franklin for the win!

Esco out.

"Do not...

...Mess around with Africans."

There are certain rules in life that should be heeded no matter the situation, such as "Always wear a condom when you have sex with the girl who has AIDS". Well, ok, that was a terrible example since you shouldn't even be considering having sex with her. But, anyhow. It's a rule, and one you should not break lest you want to suffer the consequences.

Another very important, if not undervalued, rule is to not f*ck with Africans. Now, this post is not meant as racial or discriminatory. This is just me giving you a heads-up.

*Story time*

Last week was exams for me. (Yes, they went well, thanks for asking) And because I had to get back into the whole school and studying mentality, I decided not to play basketball for two whole weeks leading up to exams. Yeah, that's what you call dedication. Anyhow. Friday was the last day, and I decided to hit the court after I returned home from school.

So now, it's summer-type of weather here in Paris, and it's beautiful out. So instead of going to the gym where I played during the winter, I decided to hit the outdoor court in my neighbourhood. Met up with the guys and had a good time catching up. And then it was time to play ball.

Everything was going fine, until for some odd reason, the shortest guy on the other team decided he had a score to settle with the tallest guy on my team. First mistake, your team is losing, there is NO reason for you to be running your mouth as though you're the one kicking ass. Second mistake, you are 5'7" at the MOST (and I'm being generous) and the guy on my team is about 6'5". Third mistake, tall guy is African. Short guy is not. Little did he know, he'd already lost. But for the sake of the story, I'll continue.

So this short guy, who I'm guarding by the way, gets switched on the tall guy. And then decided that tall guy played him too roughly, and says something slick. I mean, we ARE on the street, you should expect a bit of roughness. Hell, I have a cut next to my eyebrow that I only noticed 3 hours later when I got home. But whatever.

Short guy is running his mouth and tall guy is getting annoyed, and I'm sensing danger. So now, game over, we won, short guy and his band of misfits lost and they are heading to the side. As all of this is happening, short guy is talking smack to tall guy, who's had enough.

He calmly walks over to short guy and says "Listen, I'm sick of your sh*t. Either shut the f*ck up or do something about my so-called 'rough' play. I don't talk, I act, so if you don't want problems, stop talking." End of threat. The way he said that sh*t put the fear of God in ME, and I was not involved. And he turns and starts to leave. I would not be telling this story if it ended here. And boy did it not end.

Short guys jumps up from where he's seated and gets all up in tall guy's face. OK, he 'tries' to get up in tall guy's face seeing that he's nearly an entire foot shorter. He's practically on his toes, for those of you trying to picture the scene. He starts yapping and waving his hands dangerously close to tall guy's face.

Uh oh.



BOOM!

Gyaddayum!! He got hit with the headbutt from the Heavens. One he, or any of us for that matter, never saw coming. He stumbled back, and looked up dazed at tall guy. His eyes got big, and it looked as if it was only then that it dawned upon him. Tall guy was a motherf*cking African.

Well, from that point on, he saw that tall guy was not f*cking around when he said that he acted and skipped all of the long talk. We all saw. Well, atleast I did. In the end it all ended well, since short guy left the court with his confidence and manhood shattered on the floor from the headbutt he got, and tall guy continued playing til' after I left the court. And since I haven't heard anything else, I guess that was the end of that story. Well in that case, it is also the end of mine.

Moral of the story? Read the title stupid.

Aww Sh*t

It's the end of the world as we all know it. No really. We are going to die.

All of us.

As we have all heard by now, well if you haven't it's most probably because you're dead, so you're excused. Anyhow, as we've all heard by now, there is a new virus, disease, whatever roaming the face of the earth.

H1N1.

If that combination of letters or words does not scare you, then my friend you are also dead. There are only a few other combinations of four letters that should kind of put some fear in your heart. You should be able to figure them out. But that's neither here nor there.

So Mexico has been shut down, and I believe is still shut down at this present moment because of H1N1. Poor Mexicans, no Cinco de Mayo for you! Other countries have also been put on alert, including here in Paris, and other European capitals.

They are saying that it can reach pandemic levels. Also known as 'Holy sh*t we're f*cked' level. All of this was said before I saw this on the net.

28 days later.

Yeah. We're all going to die. But before we go, we may have the chance to kill a few others before we do.

But the point of this post is that, we're going to die. All of us. Some killed by H1N1 or even H1Z1, and those who die by those viruses, will be killed by us. Again. Not because want, but because we have to.

I'm out.

'Tard Fight!!!

Ah, here we are once again.

These past days have not been very exciting, to say the least. I am STILL on 'vacation', believe it or not. And to think that the French have been called cowards, chickens, p*ssies, whatever words you may use for weak people. But one thing these guys don't do is quit. Which, in itself, is not a bad thing. But there is a time to persevere, and there is a time to quit. Now is that time to quit guys. Just sayin'.

Anyhow. In my boredom I have a tendancy to surf the net. Well, ok. Not only during boredom. I also surf when I have tons of schoolwork to do. But it's me we're talking about. So surfing comes before schoolwork. Now that that's clear, moving right along.

So I woke up this morning, did the usual stuff, and then hopped on my pc. And surfed. And lo and behold. I fell upon the greatest thing since, I don't know, sneakers.

'Tard Fights.

*Anouncer voice* In the blue corner, weighing in at 177lbs, and 5'9"! He claims to have never lost a street fight in his life! Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, in his first ever professional fight, I present to you...from Sheeeeellbyyyy, North Carolinaaaaaaaaaaaaa...Briiaaaaaannnn Sutherlaaaaaaaaaannnnnddddd!



*Anouncer voice* And in the blue corner, weighing in at 225lbs, standing 5'11"! Creator of what he claims to be "Illusive Fighting"! Ladies and gentlemen...Theeeee Shadoooooooowwwwww!



And the "winner", ladies and gentlemen...YOU!!! For having witnessed the greatest fighters in the history of this beautiful sport!

*Sidenote* Brian Sutherland never fought again after his first professional fight. We can all see why.

This, on this beautiful day, April 11th, 2009, is my gift to the world.

I'm out.

Alrighty then...

Ok, it's official. I'm through with school. Ok, I lied. But this is getting annoying. Before coming to France I always thought that when I heard that schools on the French side were striking, it seemed fun.

This shit is not.

My years in France have been strike plagued. There are no other ways to put this. Last year, we got locked out of school for damn near 2 months. You would leave your house to go to school (on the first couple days atleast, when they said the strike would only last a week) and as you arrive you would see a bunch of clowns (not real clowns, but clowns nonetheless) playing guitars and singing in front of the entrances. Not letting anybody in. *insert gasface here*

They would have these sort of meetings called General Assemblies. Total wastes of time. I went to the first one since they said that during these so-called meetings we got the chance to vote if we wanted to continue the strike or not. Never again. Those things last 4 to 5 hours.

My school is pretty small, around 15000 or so students. 300 people voted for the strike. That's democracy. And those same 300 people continued voting for the strike for 2 months. Where were the other 12000? Most probably at home like myself.

Oh well. Guess what? Yeah, you got that right. We're on strike again. Only this time, the teachers won't be complaining about how us students are wasting their time. Because they are the ones striking now. Yessir, I wonder what their excuses will be now? What am I saying? There won't be any excuses. Psshhh, moving right along.

It's no wonder Paris is viewed as a strike loving country. That shit couldn't be any closer to the truth. I get the whole "fighting for your rights" crap, but there is a limit. Fight for YOUR rights. Do NOT under no circumstances disturb me while I'm peacefully living my life. I'm not bothering you, don't bother me. Do that and we most definitely can get along. As things are now, we are enemies. Oh well, I guess that's the whole purpose, to get the rest of the people agitated so that it will force the government to act.

What is that you say? The people in government are the ones at fault? Oh. Well that changes everything then. Why not just get rid of them? Too radical? I agree. But it was funny when heard the first time. (You won't get the last couple sentences if you don't read the link)

Oh well. Such is life, and sadly, I'm stuck in the middle of it. As is, I currently only have school on fridays. Fun times.

I'm bored as hell.

I'm out.

P.S. The upstairs neighbours had a fight last night. That shit lasted for more than an hour. Somebody got beat the hell up. Poor lady. Baby was screaming its head off and dude kept laying the smackdown on his lady. They're like two floors up and I could hear her hit the floor from here. Disgusting.

Damn...

Ahem... I guess most of the people with internet access have now seen what is reported as being the police photo of Rihanna's face. I am not linking to it.

Well goddamn.

Why?

What would push any self respecting man to hit her?

Not only her, ANY woman?

Like the saying goes, "Pick on someone your own size". They should add "and sex" to that.

And the worst part of it all is that the media keeps asking the question "What will this do to Chris Brown's/Rihanna's career?"

Uhmmm, do you think that these two even CARE about their careers right now? I think not.

Domestic abuse is a serious issue, and people are just downplaying it, nobody is tackling it head-on like they should. Again, people are just worried about their careers. Sad.

Hitting on your significant other (male or female) is not cool.

My advice, your chick is getting on you nerves, get your big, girl cousin to do the job. Just kidding. Try and talk it out like adults. Find the root of the problem. It's not easy, but it can be done. But under no circumstances do you lay your hands on her. Unless it's a hug. And not a bearhug either.

I read somewhere that "at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or abused in some other way — most often by someone she knows, including by her husband or another male family member; one woman in four has been abused during pregnancy".

Read that again.

Sh*t's disgusting.

*Steps off his soapbox*

I'm out.

Uhmm...Why?

Uhmmm, ok. I don't know why we are not posting either. I don't have any excuses, other than life in itself is maybe getting in the way. But yeah, I'm still alive. I don't know about that other fellow, uhm, the "Best" Yet. He may be dead.

Oh well, what's been going on in my little life since the last time? Nothing much, other than school, and school. And a whole bunch of nothing. Maybe that's the reason why I haven't put up anything since I exposed my undeniable talent to you. I guess the entire world is still in shock and awe at my power. Well if that's the case, I won't disturb you. I will not try and bother you while you stare in admiration at my work of art.

Oh! Something weird and funny happened this week right in front of me. I was on my was to a friend's house (which I always am, since I am never at home, and hardly at school) and standing at the busstop. While I was watching the board to try and determine with late the bus would arrive after the time announced, I heard this noise behind me. So I turn around and see the GREATEST THING EVER.




Now please focus on this picture and tell me what's wrong. Don't see anything wrong? Well that's because you haven't been paying attention and you most probably suck at driving and at life like this guy here.

Now, for a little reminder. I'm standing at a busstop. He is PARKED IN FRONT OF THE BUSSTOP. Next. Now look closely at HOW he is parked. Wait, first let me explain. It's a two lane street. And I'm standing right on a corner, so where he is parked is where cars usually go when they are turning right. Again, he is PARKED in FRONT OF A BUSSTOP, in an area where cars are supposed to pass to turn right. Now let me direct your attention to the white dotted line that separates the two lanes. You see piece of it, right? Why not the rest? That's because he is PARKED ON IT. So now, he is parked in front of a busstop, at an intersection, on the white dotted line. Can he do ANY worse? Oh yes he can. If you notice, he is AT LEAST 1 meter away from the sidewalk. AT LEAST. Now now now. Come the F%@# on! And to top it all off, he got out of his car with a smile. Someone passing told him that maybe he should park his car a little better, and he was like "Nah, I'm good."

Now if I was a police officer, I would not take his license, or his car. I would take his life. That right there was a serious case of being a NIGGA. And it was an arab dude. Sigh, and they wonder why Sarko is trying to get rid of them.

Til' next time.

I'm out.

I Should Have Brought Along My Cellphone

Ever been in one of those situations where something happens and you just NEED to immortalize it? Never? Well your life sucks my friend.

I was in one such situation some day earlier this week, can't remember when. It all started when I was at home wondering what I would want to eat that evening. Oh yeah, I shop for like 2, 3 days MAX. I HATE shopping for food. Anyhow, so I decide to jump out quickly and go to the supermarket to pick up a couple things. It is around 8.30 pm.

I put on my iPod and we begin our journey (5 minute walk). As I round the corner leading up to the supermarket I see one of the most disturbing things ever. And I mean in the history of whatever:

*Insert cellphone picture here*

Can you see it? Disturbing eh? Oh no, wait, you can't. Well yeah I know you can't. Because I didn't bring along my cellphone, it was only a short journey and even though I bring my phone EVERYWHERE with me, I just decided to leave it home today. Oh well.

Let me paint a picture with my words. Imagine a middle aged man wearing one of those women's hoodies, but one that stops just above the navel, light pink in colour. And with that a full body spandex suit, except his head was exposed. Add to that a tiny pink hand bag that he tried to keep over his shoulder. And silver ballerina shoes. And what you end up with is a recipe for disaster. Or in my case, a near heart attack. And it just so happened that we were going to the exact same place.

Life in the supermarket literally paused. I was laughing LOUDLY. And my laugh is like a yawn. It's infectious. In the end everyone was laughing. I was saying that maybe he lost a bet or something, but seeing how serious he was about doing his shopping or whatever while constantly walking on his toes, I was thinking to myself that maybe he had lost his mind.

Girls, imagine waking up one day and your father is perfectly normal, and then when you come home from school in the evening you see him prancing around in your ballerina clothes in the street like a fairy. Scary. But funny. To us, not to you.

The only thing I regret in all of this is not having my cellphone with me. Oh well, hopefully God will smile upon me so that him and I cross paths again. I will be ready this time.

I'm out.