"Do not...

...Mess around with Africans."

There are certain rules in life that should be heeded no matter the situation, such as "Always wear a condom when you have sex with the girl who has AIDS". Well, ok, that was a terrible example since you shouldn't even be considering having sex with her. But, anyhow. It's a rule, and one you should not break lest you want to suffer the consequences.

Another very important, if not undervalued, rule is to not f*ck with Africans. Now, this post is not meant as racial or discriminatory. This is just me giving you a heads-up.

*Story time*

Last week was exams for me. (Yes, they went well, thanks for asking) And because I had to get back into the whole school and studying mentality, I decided not to play basketball for two whole weeks leading up to exams. Yeah, that's what you call dedication. Anyhow. Friday was the last day, and I decided to hit the court after I returned home from school.

So now, it's summer-type of weather here in Paris, and it's beautiful out. So instead of going to the gym where I played during the winter, I decided to hit the outdoor court in my neighbourhood. Met up with the guys and had a good time catching up. And then it was time to play ball.

Everything was going fine, until for some odd reason, the shortest guy on the other team decided he had a score to settle with the tallest guy on my team. First mistake, your team is losing, there is NO reason for you to be running your mouth as though you're the one kicking ass. Second mistake, you are 5'7" at the MOST (and I'm being generous) and the guy on my team is about 6'5". Third mistake, tall guy is African. Short guy is not. Little did he know, he'd already lost. But for the sake of the story, I'll continue.

So this short guy, who I'm guarding by the way, gets switched on the tall guy. And then decided that tall guy played him too roughly, and says something slick. I mean, we ARE on the street, you should expect a bit of roughness. Hell, I have a cut next to my eyebrow that I only noticed 3 hours later when I got home. But whatever.

Short guy is running his mouth and tall guy is getting annoyed, and I'm sensing danger. So now, game over, we won, short guy and his band of misfits lost and they are heading to the side. As all of this is happening, short guy is talking smack to tall guy, who's had enough.

He calmly walks over to short guy and says "Listen, I'm sick of your sh*t. Either shut the f*ck up or do something about my so-called 'rough' play. I don't talk, I act, so if you don't want problems, stop talking." End of threat. The way he said that sh*t put the fear of God in ME, and I was not involved. And he turns and starts to leave. I would not be telling this story if it ended here. And boy did it not end.

Short guys jumps up from where he's seated and gets all up in tall guy's face. OK, he 'tries' to get up in tall guy's face seeing that he's nearly an entire foot shorter. He's practically on his toes, for those of you trying to picture the scene. He starts yapping and waving his hands dangerously close to tall guy's face.

Uh oh.



BOOM!

Gyaddayum!! He got hit with the headbutt from the Heavens. One he, or any of us for that matter, never saw coming. He stumbled back, and looked up dazed at tall guy. His eyes got big, and it looked as if it was only then that it dawned upon him. Tall guy was a motherf*cking African.

Well, from that point on, he saw that tall guy was not f*cking around when he said that he acted and skipped all of the long talk. We all saw. Well, atleast I did. In the end it all ended well, since short guy left the court with his confidence and manhood shattered on the floor from the headbutt he got, and tall guy continued playing til' after I left the court. And since I haven't heard anything else, I guess that was the end of that story. Well in that case, it is also the end of mine.

Moral of the story? Read the title stupid.

Apologies

Over the passed couple months I've gotten alot of commentary on a posting from a couple months back.

The post in question was about my morbidly obese colleague, Sven that I put on blast.


Yesterday I had to work and had one of the worst days ever, even worser than the times Sven and I work the same shifts. Yes, worser...much worser.

It all began the night before. I was in Den Bosch for Game 6 of the Dutch Basketball League championship. Having coached a couple players that now play for the club's U20 team and share a house with other players, I decided to just crash there for the night.

The next morning I received a call from my tempe agency letting me know that I not only had to work, but that I'd be starting at noon- a new shift time.

I don't know bout you, but if you wake me up talking serious matters, or anything really, I won't process it as sharply. Anyhow, I still got up then, quickly washed my face, brushed the pearlie off-whites and headed out the door. Now Den Bosch aint but a 30 minute train ride from my small town, but by time I got home it was already 10:50.

I still had to prepare a lunch-kit, change and whatever. Turned the shower on, but as I was heading back into the bathroom something else caught my attention. Something that could either make or break my day.

Yes, I had to coocoo.

I paused for a moment however, should I coocoo now or wait till I reach the workplace, will I reach with time remaining that I could peacefully coocoo without rushing and possibly drop a lung.

One dilemma, but I opted to coocoo, because 1: If I arrived late I'd have to get on the floor immediately and 2: U'n goin kill me pannuh full stop

Why I mention Sven? Gimme a chance lemme tell my story boss.

So after coocoo'rin/coocoo'yin...however you wanna say it... I thought about changing, but it was already passed the meeting time, so I left home IN THE SAME SHIRT I SLEPT IN.

When one has to go on with their day without going through their routine beforehand, one becomes self-conscious and none moreso than yours truly.

So I'm at work now, feeling a bit under the weather. That whole 30 degrees to 10 degrees day switchero really mess me up. So I working slowly, but it getting hot and man feeling moist, not sweating, but that fever moisture feeling.
It was then that I took a sniff, a sniff of dear ol' Sven. So I looked around, but Sven was nowhere to be seen. Don't tell me it's me smelling so. Oh crud!

Your boy was reeking, to the point that I have to hit that arm pit-napkin washed down during one of the breaks. Thank God I had deodorant to counter that, but still, even if only for a couple hours I reeked like Sven.

Therefore I'd like to apologize here on these internets to good ol' Sven.

Wait, hold on...Sven was still stink. Maybe he watches Game 6's all the time too, who knows.


Moral of the story...always walk with deodorant

Well Isn't That Embarassing...

Oh wow.

Why the hell would you go out and embarass yourself in such a public manner? I mean do you REALLY believe no-one would notice?

Some may laugh, others may cry. I just shake my damn head. And then for you go on to brag about how you don't buy most of your shoes because companies send them to you. OK, I'll give you that. You ARE part of one of the most influencial Hip-Hop groups of all time, so I wouldn't doubt you when you say that. BUT, my n*gga, I AM doubting the fact that some legit shoe company sent you these bad boys. Because nothing you can do or say will change the fact that those shoes you proudly call "Ultra rare blue and red Bugs Bunny Nike Air Jordan VIII's" are FAKE.

All cool points lost.

You just took a massive L. And you did this at a SNEAKER CONVENTION.

Kindly go and kill yourself.

Esco, out.

Sadness

Short post.

Hug for you and your fam Jan.

Much love.

Esco, out.

Wonderful Day

Today was a good day.

Not really a good day in the sense that everything went perfectly according to plan exactly the way I dreamt it the night before, but still a good day in the sense that I did not die. That must count for something.

Also, seeing that today was the first day of exams for me, it's pretty weird that I am saying that today was a good day. BUT!!! Man oh man, today could not have gone any smoother. Well it could have, but yeah, I would have most probably ended up doing things detrimental to my health and would have put me in the line of fire of alot of hatred. Therefore, I have no idea what the f*ck I'm talking about right now.

I take back everything I said about hating the strike. I truly do. I've seen the amazing things people, namely teachers who were on strike, do to get back at the system. Basically today, teachers allowed us to cheat.

Well ok, they don't usually stop us from cheating but that's mainly because we're just that good at it. No. Today, they basically told us "We have no reasons to fail you guys seeing that you've had NO classes for the semester, and that it would be terrible for us to grade you as though you've been in school normally, therefore, you all get the minimum passing grade, and depending on what you write on the paper, you grade increases." So we took that as though they said "Cheat your asses off, we won't care" which was basically what they meant.

Instant boner. *pause*

Oh hell yeah. It was that type of day. What can I say? I deserved it.

You don't think I deserve it? Well before you get up on your high horses, consider this: F*ck you.

Good. The only regrettable thing about today was the weather. Yesterday, 30°. Today? 10°. If I could meet God right now and ask him one question it would be "Why?" And then I would give him dap for a job well done and then tell him I'll see him when I see him. He should know when.
Yessir. I am happy.

Oh and whoever thinks I'm being lazy with this blogging thing: F*ck you.

This is MY blog. I do what the F*CK I want.

Esco, out.

Boredom

I have been told that I'm bored because I wrote about what I read. Hmm. Valid point. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just writing about something I found interesting during one of my many escapades on the world wide web. Maybe. Or maybe I found it cool to write about zombies. Yeah, that must be it.

I mean, hell, we have even written about a guy getting traded for several baseball bats. Well, ok, not we, but seeing that we're a 'team', I might as well say we. But yeah, I'm the bored one.

And, to a certain point, there is fact in the statement. I am bored out of my motherf*cking mind. Excuse my french. But alas, that is not the reason for me writing about H1Z1. Far from it.

What are my reasons? Quite frankly, I have no particular reasons why I wrote it. But maybe, I don't know, just maybe I needed a little chuckle during this time of crisis. I mean, come on. Humans are being killed by a flu that is normally reserved for pigs. And actually, it is not technically Swine Flu. But hey, if you're in tune with the news, you should already know that. Oh my bad, you're not bored. You are busy. Therefore I'm the bored one. But the virus is pretty uncool nonetheless.

Ramble, ramble, ramble.

Who gives a f*ck? Not me.

But you are right. I am bored.

Oh well, it's one of the only times you are right, so I'll give you this one.

*smile*

Bitch.

I'm out.

Aww Sh*t

It's the end of the world as we all know it. No really. We are going to die.

All of us.

As we have all heard by now, well if you haven't it's most probably because you're dead, so you're excused. Anyhow, as we've all heard by now, there is a new virus, disease, whatever roaming the face of the earth.

H1N1.

If that combination of letters or words does not scare you, then my friend you are also dead. There are only a few other combinations of four letters that should kind of put some fear in your heart. You should be able to figure them out. But that's neither here nor there.

So Mexico has been shut down, and I believe is still shut down at this present moment because of H1N1. Poor Mexicans, no Cinco de Mayo for you! Other countries have also been put on alert, including here in Paris, and other European capitals.

They are saying that it can reach pandemic levels. Also known as 'Holy sh*t we're f*cked' level. All of this was said before I saw this on the net.

28 days later.

Yeah. We're all going to die. But before we go, we may have the chance to kill a few others before we do.

But the point of this post is that, we're going to die. All of us. Some killed by H1N1 or even H1Z1, and those who die by those viruses, will be killed by us. Again. Not because want, but because we have to.

I'm out.